My First Poetic Translation of a Poem

I'm currently taking a class called The Art of Translation and in it we had to pick a poem to translate. I chose one of the most popular poems in all of Russian literature because I love the sound of the poem and wanted to try to replicate that as much as possible, but in English. The poem is by Alexander Pushkin, titled:

To *** (I recall a time of wonder…)

К *** (Я помню чудное мгновенье…)

The poem is structured in groups of 4 lines with A/B/A/B rhyme structure. It's also iambic (think daDum daDum daDum) with each line alternating between 9 syllables and 8 syllables. I wanted to maintain all of those features in English, which was quite difficult. In the lines with 9 syllables, you also can't end on a stressed vowel, which is quite easy for Russian and can be quite difficult for English.

Huge thanks to my translation class, my wife, Maria, and Flozen for helping me word smith a lot of this!

It's also possible that I'm not done, and may make changes in the future. Who knows!

Russian	My Translation	Word-for-Word Translation
Я помню чудное мгновенье:	Oh I recall a time of wonder:	I remember a wondrous moment:
Передо мной явилась ты,	When all at once you came to me,	Before me you appeared,
Как мимолётное виденье,	You monumentous flash of thunder,	Like a momentary vision,
Как гений чистой красоты.	No purer beauty I could see.	Like the genie/genius/epitome of pure beauty.
В томленьях грусти безнадежной,	In depths of hopelessness and sadness,	In the languor of hopeless sadness,
В тревогах шумной суеты,	Surrounded by this endless noise	In the anxiety of the noisy hustle and bustle
Звучал мне долго голос нежный	I dreamt your face in grimmest blackness	A gentle voice long sounded to me
И снились милые черты.	And listened to your gentle voice.	And I dreamt of dear features.
Шли годы. Бурь порыв мятежный	Rebelling storms and long years passing	Years passed. The rebellious impulse of storms
Рассеял прежние мечты,	Did scatter my past dreams of you,	Scattered my past dreams
И я забыл твой голос нежный,	And I forgot your voice so blessing	And I forgot your gentle (tender) voice
Твои небесные черты.	Your features most divine but true.	(and) your heavenly features.
В глуши, во мраке заточенья	Afar in bleak incarceration	In the sticks, in the gloom of imprisonment
Тянулись тихо дни мои	My days so quiet stretching on	My days quietly stretched out
Без божества, без вдохновенья,	Without a god, nor inspiration	Without a deity, without inspiration
Без слез, без жизни, без любви.	Nor tears, nor love, nor life, nor dawn.	Without tears, without life, without love.
Душе настало пробужденье:	My soul remote awoke from under	(Then) (my/a) soul was awakened:
И вот опять явилась ты,	And once again you came to me,	And (here) again you appeared,
Как мимолётное виденье,	You monumentous flash of thunder,	Like a momentary vision,
Как гений чистой красоты.	No purer beauty I could see.	Like the genie/genius/epitome of pure beauty.
И сердце бьется в упоенье,	My heart beats new in celebration	And my heart beats in elation,
И для него воскресли вновь	Finds resurrection long bygone,	And for my heart were again resurrected
И божество, и вдохновенье,	Returned the god, the inspiration,	The deity, and the inspiration,
И жизнь, и слезы, и любовь.	And Life, and tears, and love, and dawn.	And Life, and tears, and love.

I have some other options for different parts that I considered.

For the third quatrain, another option is:
Years passed. Rebelling storms did render
My dreams of yore, all cast away.
And I forgot your voice so tender
Your features most divine and fay.

Feel free to suggest any edits or if anything sounds awkward.

Thanks for reading! Закругляюсь!